


Down the Rabbit Hole

by Blackwidow73



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-04 16:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwidow73/pseuds/Blackwidow73
Summary: Soon after the death of her father, Scully begins to question what's real, leading her down a dangerous path of discovery. A/U for Beyond the Sea. Heavy Mulder/Scully.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dreams 

He was surrounded by fog off in the distance, yet she would never mistake who he was - her father, William Scully. There was no expression as he stood there watching her on the end of the dock. Everything was silent, yet she swore she could hear him calling her. 

It felt as though she were a child again. Each step she took was carefully calculated and carried out with hesitation. There was a feeling of dread, the same type that she used to feel whenever she knew she was in trouble. The only difference was that this was much bigger than some broken flower pot or missed curfew. He wasn’t about to yell at her and ground her and be done with it. This was about her choices in life and the subtle disappointment he demonstrated every time he saw her. It was simply a collection of small looks and nods that stuck with her long after he left, reminding her of the fact that he would never truly be proud of her. 

The wind began to pick up as she grew closer. A bright light emitted from behind him that masked his face in a dark shadow. She wasn’t sure whether it comforted or scared her that she couldn’t see his mouth moving anymore. It wasn’t as if he were truly saying anything, yet there was something ominous about what he was trying to tell her. 

“Dad!” She called, wincing as she used her hands to try and shield her face from the light. 

Nothing. 

“Dad!” She tried again to no avail. She stood there, yelling, tears streaming down her face, but nothing. He wouldn’t respond. His lips just kept moving as he stared directly into her eyes. 

Suddenly, there was a loud crash. She jumped, wheeling around to find the culprit. There was nothing but darkness surrounding her. The only sound came from the wind. And as soon as she relaxed, she could feel him leave, the absence and loneliness. 

“Dad?” She softly whimpered. He wasn’t there anymore. She was simply all alone. 

Oooooo

Scully lay awake staring straight up at the ceiling. Something had felt off ever since she last had dinner with her parents. The news of his death had caused her to replay that entire night over and over again in her mind. There must have been something she missed, a symptom, a warning look shot from Margaret to William when he reached for a second helping. Surely she must have caught something if she had that dream, she must have known that he wasn’t well. 

That was the problem, she hadn’t known and she blamed herself. Perhaps if she would have monitored what he ate while he was there or had them stay just a little longer. Maybe he would have lived if she would have been there. 

She had thought she had been doing better since Luther’s execution, but there was still this lingering feeling. It wasn’t something she could really identify. At times when she was alone it felt like an ominous dread, a paranoia. Other times it was this guilt ridden grief. 

Any hope of getting sleep tonight was lost. The images of her nightmare were swarming through her mind. It was a lost cause, but she believed that maybe if she concentrated hard enough that she would be able to figure out what it was that her dad was trying to tell her. It was naive to think that it meant anything, but not knowing was bothering her. It almost scared her to think that there was a chance she would never decipher his message. 

She pulled herself out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. The house was mostly dark save for the illumination from the streetlights shining through select windows. It was silly, but part of her was afraid to turn on the lights. She didn’t want to pass by her living room and chance seeing him sitting in the chair again or spot him hiding somewhere, waiting as his mouth moved silently. 

The only thing that comforted her now was the promise that the most recent wave of paranoia would be gone by morning. That was the time in which she usually felt better. That and while she was at work. It was only the evenings that troubled her, the times in which she were alone with her thoughts and imagination. 

“Dana?” 

Turning, her eyes widened in fear as she examined the darkness surrounding her. There was no one there, but she could have sworn that she heard her name. Logically she knew that it could have been from the mix of the stress and the exhaustion. The mind was able to convince many people of extraordinary things. There was no reason that she wouldn’t believe that it made her think she heard something when she was half asleep and scared. 

“Hello?” She called, making sure. 

There was no answer. The silence should have made her feel better, but all it did was raise more questions. 

She hastily grabbed her water from the sink and headed back to her room. She didn’t bother to stop and glance around the house this time, she barely even closed her door before rushing to the bed and plopping down. It was going to be a fight to get back to sleep, but her little episode only reminded her of just how badly she needed sleep. 

Oooooo

Scully awoke the next morning more tired than she had been the previous night. Something had to change, but she wasn’t sure what it was at this point. She was doing better than she had been, at least, she thought she was. There were no more panic attacks, and she didn’t have to deal with Luther messing with her head as she did her best to sort out her feelings. 

She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, finishing her makeup with the application of her lipstick. It was all she could do to try and distract from the dark circles that had taken residence under her pale blue eyes. 

Just a couple of weeks ago Mulder had called her Dana. It wasn’t much, it was her name after all, but the way he used it. He was worried about her. He’d been worried from the second that he learned of her father as though he knew exactly how hard it was going to hit her. From that moment on she had been nothing more than a ticking time bomb. Perhaps in such time, she had already gone off, when she was allowing Luther into her mind, twisting her memories and playing with her emotions. The man had taken something that should have been personal private and brought it all to light, making her feel exposed. He had this gift of bringing up all the things she had tried so hard to forget, things she had buried deep within her mind and left to be vanished forever. 

Then again, maybe that was simply the beginning. Maybe she was still getting wound up with the insomnia and the paranoia. If that were the case, she was scared. 

Science was something she had always held near and dear. It explained things in a way that Catholicism could not. It gave her definite answers that grounded her to reality when things were too chaotic - something that happened regularly in her home. There were things her father and his friends would talk about, things that none of them could explain, things that could have easily taken him away from her. That was when she started turning to science, when she was so afraid of his absence, when the unknown forces were suddenly much darker than a benevolent being offering comfort in times of need. William was already in enough danger whenever he left home, she didn’t need to start worrying about the things that he couldn’t fight off with a gun, the things that would simply not be affected by our weapons. 

It was getting to the point where her own greatest weapon was beginning to fail her. She couldn’t explain the way Luther hurt her. She couldn’t explain the suddenness of William’s death. And without that security blanket, what did she truly have? Her own mind even seemed to be against her. 

Sighing, she set her lipstick down onto the sink and gave herself one final examination. She didn’t look great, but it was enough. Hopefully Mulder knew better than to ask too many questions. 

She rushed out the door, grabbing her things and getting into her car. Among the things brought, was a thermos of coffee. She took a chug out of the cup before starting the engine and rechecking herself in the mirror. The first thing she noticed was the fact that her lips were bare. She sat up, moving closer to inspect her reflection, wiping her mouth with her thumb - nothing. She looked down to the thermos and noticed that there was no lipstick mark. 

Her heart began to pound as she stared with widened eyes full of horror back at her reflection. She could have sworn she applied lipstick. She remembered very clearly standing there at the sink, applying it and setting it down. 

She went to turn off the car so she could head back inside and check, but she spotted the container sticking out of a pocket on the side of her purse. She slowly reached out to take hold of it, her hand trembling as she did so. It were as if she had to check to make sure that she wasn’t simply seeing things. 

Once she finally grabbed it, she brought it up to her face and examined it. It was the one she thought she used that morning. 

Tossing the tube aside, she retrieved her phone and dialed the all too familiar number. “Mulder? It’s me!” She said, her voice laced with anxiety. “You need to come over.”


	2. Brian

Chapter 2: Brian 

He drove over as soon as he had hung up the phone. The absolute worst raced through his mind. It was possible that someone was after her, that she had gotten hurt, or was sick. Truth be told, he had been keeping his eye on her more and more lately. He was worried. She was in this weird trance more often than not. They were supposed to leave to go question someone in a few hours, but he was sure that she had no idea what was even happening.

“Scully?” He asked, closely watching her as he approached. The scene before him did ease some of his fears. She wasn’t hurt or at gunpoint or even jumpy. She was just very… distracted.

She stood there, leaning back against her car. Her eyes flatly followed as he came near. She had to really think, try and remember whether or not she had truly called. The worst of it all was that she had lost trust in herself. What if she only thought Mulder was there? What if this was the imaginary segment of her day? She could be at work and not know it. She could be standing out here ready to talk to no one in particular and be completely oblivious.

“We need to talk,” she stated.

“I think I’m gonna need a DNA test before we decide anything,” he remarked

Scully rolled her eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. As fast as it came, it was gone. “I think I’m going insane,” she admitted.

Mulder softly laughed. He was about to make a joke, but bit his tongue. It was clear that she was worried and it struck him. She was actually scared.

“Look,” he sighed. He hesitated, trying to find the best words to use. “You haven’t slept, I’m sure you haven’t eaten anything recently, you’re stressed. It doesn’t help that you spend your day with someone who hunts aliens and conspiracy theories all the time. I think you just need a break.”

“I suppose,” she replied, finding comfort in the fact that his suggestion made logical sense. She was too paranoid for to see that she had been neglecting herself. “I really don’t think I should be alone though.”

It was a confession she needed to make, no matter how much she hated it. It made her feel like a little kid, having to sleep in bed with mommy and daddy because of the monster that may or may not be living under her bed.

“Well, we can go question this man and then get you settled into my place if you want. The fish don’t mind having you there,” he offered.

She thought a second before she replied. “Do you think I should be there considering my mental state?”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened,” he suggested, starting to grow more concerned.

Scully sighed as she turned around and opened the door to retrieve her purse. “This morning I clearly remember standing in front of the mirror using my lipstick,” she told him. She then took the tube out of the pocket and held it up for him to see. “After that I set it on the edge of the sink. Mulder, there is no reason that this should be in my bag. I never put it there. At least, I don’t recall doing so.”

Although he could see why this would bother someone like Scully, he still didn’t think too much of the whole thing. “Have you ever driven to work and when you get there you suddenly realize that you haven’t really been paying attention to your route? You just sort of did it without thinking?” He asked.

“Yeah,” she answered suspiciously.

“Could this have been something similar? You know, you’re so used to your morning routine that you just assume that you’ve done everything you normally do?” He offered.

“Maybe,” she answered, defeated.

“Come on, you can’t let me be the rational one here,” Mulder teased.

“Fine,” she sighed, her smile returning. “I’ll come with you.”

“Good, I’ll need someone to keep me from jumping to conclusions,” he told her.

She followed as he started towards his car. It was weird, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about the whole thing. The explanation he offered made sense. It was something that she herself should have taken the time to consider. It scared her to know that she was slipping in such a way.

Oooooo

“I told you, I don’t know,” the man angrily answered.

The agents sat on the other side of the table, studying the frantic man. It was quite clear in the beginning that there was something wrong here. He was Private Brian Singer. He appeared paranoid, his eyes darting about the room. He was covered in sweat, his fingers nervously drumming the table. There was something about him that made Scully uncomfortable, something besides the fact that he could snap at any second.

“Why don’t you tell me what you do remember?” Mulder requested.

“We uh, we went to bed like normal. Lights out. Nothing different. We uh, then we uh, we got up, I think….” He frantically answered, as if he were afraid to remember.

“You think?” Scully asked, looking to him with concern.

She could feel Mulder look to her as she studied Brian. Did she look that bad? Was she shaking herself? She didn’t intend to, but this morning’s events caused her to feel some sort of empathy towards the man. She didn’t black out to this degree, but she knew the feeling of having to question every single memory.

Brian hastily nodded. “Yeah. See, I, I really don’t remember that morning. I’m sorry. All I remember is standing there. There, there was blood everywhere. Men we were training with, they were all dead. Except… Kevin. Kevin was with me. Then Major Thompson. He was screaming. I was taken away.”

“And you have no idea where Kevin is?” Scully questioned, anxiety lacing her tone.

“No ma’am, I’m sorry,” he replied.

Brian calmed a little, staring into Scully’s eyes as he leaned forward. It caused her to slink back. She was suspicious of his intentions, yet she didn’t feel threatened. It was more of a vulnerable thing. Part of her felt exposed as though he were searching her soul.

The man stood and reached over, taking Scully’s face in his hand as if to study her.

“Hey!” Mulder warned, grabbing his gun.

Scully just sat there, staring into Brian’s eyes. His entire demeanor changed within seconds. He wore this smug smirk as if telling her that he knew something he shouldn’t. Her thoughts started racing, trying to remember anything awful she could have done recently as though she were about to be scolded.

“I hope your work offers many answers”

The door swung open and two guards came in and grabbed Brian, leading him out before Scully had the chance to even comprehend what it was he said. As everyone else talked in the background, she sat there, staring. Something about his words left a weird feeling of deja vu. It was an omen of sorts. A small segment of a memory from when she was a child flashed through her mind.

_ “Your parents tell me that you’re interested in science. Is that correct?” He questioned, cupping her face and tilting her chin up so as he could see her features better. _

_ “Yes,” she replied, growing scared. _

_ The older man smirked, nodding as though he knew something she didn’t - a joke she wasn’t quite in on. It unnerved her. She had to fight the urge to turn and run. _

_ “I hope your work offers many answers,” he said before dropping her face and leaving. _

“Scully?”

The voice made her jump, pulling her back to what she hoped was reality. “Yeah?” She asked, trying to catch her breath as she turned to face him.  

“You okay?” Mulder inquired, his hand grabbing her shoulder. The amount of concern in his eyes startled her in a way it shouldn’t have.

She hesitated before shaking her head. “I don’t know,” she hoarsely answered, her lip beginning to quiver.

oooooo

“You feeling better yet?” Mulder asked, taking a seat beside her on the couch.

After their eventful questioning, Mulder had taken Scully back to her place to gather her things for the next couple of nights and brought her back to his place. They hadn’t spoken much to each other since they arrived. The past few hours had been spent with Mulder worrying about Scully as she kept to herself.

“Yeah,” she softly answered, flipping through the channels for something to watch.

Scully sat, curled up in the corner of the couch wrapped in a blanket. She had started feeling better as the day went on, but there was still that lingering concern. All of this could be some vivid hallucination. While she thought she was sitting here watching Cheers, it was entirely possible that she was actually out there murdering someone and she wouldn’t know until the next day she woke up in bed covered in blood.

Then of course, there was what was said to her. She couldn’t figure out where that memory came from. It was so sudden, just a small little puzzle piece. It was so creepy though. So intense. She also had to wonder, how had Brian known?

“Sounds convincing,” he flatly replied.

Scully looked over to him, exhausted. “Have you ever been afraid that everything around you isn’t real?”

“You’re gonna ask me that?” He quipped.

“You know what I mean,” she argued.

Mulder shrugged, sitting back into the couch. He had his doubts at times. Everything he had been through, everything he had seen, he knew that not everything he saw or heard was real, but he never had the fear that Scully was experiencing. She was talking about a complete mental break.

“I’ve been nervous about it a few times,” he casually answered.

She tossed the remote onto the table and sighed. “Why doesn’t that make me feel better?”

“There’s a lot of my childhood that I don’t completely remember,” Mulder informed her.

“And I’m sure you have your theories,” she remarked.

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” he replied.

Scully looked to him, considering for a moment that what she was about to say sounded insane, but it had to be said. All she had of this day was little tiny bits and pieces. It always came to her in little flashes, single images that meant nothing.

“Do you remember when we were kids? I mean, do you remember anything?” She inquired.

Mulder studied her for a moment, realizing there was something in particular that had been bothering her. “What specifically?”

“Do you remember our fathers working together?”

Mulder had to stop and think about it. There had been so much blocked out from his childhood that at certain times he had to really concentrate to remember anything. The only true memories he had were tiny, little nothings, and the events surrounding Samantha, mainly the stuff that followed her abduction.

Then, something did click, a small flash of him with Missy talking by the tire swing at his summer house. He had no idea what they were talking about, but he knew it was Missy and he knew it was warm out. That was all he had.

“Slightly,” he answered, doing his best to try and gather something else. “I know for a while we always had a bunch of people over.”

“The summer house, right?” She questioned.

Mulder shrugged, he supposed. They could have had people at the main house. His mother was one to host many parties.

“Sometimes.”

Scully nodded, concentrating as she herself tried to gather some semblance of a true memory. For most of the day she had been trying to think back on her past. There was something there, something she felt she needed to revisit. She just could not figure out what it was. The irritating part was that she was getting bits and pieces that built a scene, but there was no real context. She still had no idea what was going on.

_ Scully was about to follow her sister out, but the man stopped her, setting his hand on her shoulder. “Miss Dana Katherine Scully, I presume,” he said. _

_ The child stood there, too afraid to speak at first as she stared at him. “Yes sir,” she finally answered. _

_ His smile gave her the chills. There was something ominous that lurked behind his eyes. At the time she hadn’t been able to place exactly what it was that bothered her so much about him. Even when she first saw him when getting assigned to the x-files, she recognized him instantly, and that very same feeling returned. It made her sick to her stomach. _

_ “Your parents tell me that you’re interested in science. Is that correct?” He questioned, cupping her face and tilting her chin up so as he could see her features better. _

_ “Yes,” she replied, growing scared. _

_ The smoking man smirked, nodding as though he knew something she didn’t - a joke she wasn’t quite in on. It unnerved her. She had to fight the urge to turn and run. _

_ “I hope your work offers many answers,” he said before dropping her face and leaving. _

_ Scully turned and looked back to see both Mulder and Samantha watching in terror. It offered her some comfort to know that she wasn’t the only one freaked out by the encounter. She almost felt as though she should go tell her parents, but she was afraid to. The fact that they didn’t even know his name offered an eeriness she didn’t quite appreciate. There had to be a reason that no one seemed to know his identity. He was hiding something. _

_ “Either that man is insane, or the worst guest ever,” Mulder commented. _

Scully just looked over to Mulder, wanting to tell him what came to mind, but she wasn’t sure that it was a good idea. Some of it, she figured at least, was invented memory. Of course she would imprint that cancer ridden man in on any man that creeped her out. It made sense. That and it fit. If Mulder were there, she would associate that man with him. 

“Excuse me,” she said.

She got up and headed towards the bathroom. She wasn’t all too sure of what it was that she was running from, but she knew that she needed to get out of there. The bursts of memories were dizzying and in order to process them she had to be alone for a few moments. She had to have a chance to step away and gather herself somehow.

Upon entering the room, she closed the door and immediately went to the sink where she splashed her face with cold water. The cold against the heat of her skin helped to temporarily ground her. She closed her eyes, her hands planted flat on the surface as she stood and tried to forget about everything, to clear her mind.

Breathe in, breathe out. That was the final thing she did before opening her eyes to see the bruise marks around her neck. She stared, almost as if her eyes needed to adjust to make sure that she was truly seeing the hand print that circled her throat. A shaky hand rose to gently tap the purple blotches, a small gasp emitted as contact was made. Her breathing grew rapid as she stepped back from the mirror, her eyes still locked on the injured area. The panic caused her to feel lightheaded. She needed to turn and run out of there, to grab hold of something and steady herself, but she was too paralyzed to move. A sudden memory came rushing back to her.

_ Brian quickly reached over and took hold of Scully’s throat. “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!” He screamed. _

_ Mulder yelled, grabbing his gun and shooting the man in the shoulder while the guards came rushing in and grabbed the man to take him away. _

_ Scully was thrown back into her chair as Brian let go of her. He was yelling about about being used as he was being taken back to his cell. _

Slowly, she turned and walked back out to the living room. Her face was still wet and now pale. Her hands were shaking at her sides. Her eyes were wide with horror. In that moment she had realized that she no longer was able to decipher what was real and what wasn’t. Her life was officially nothing more than a guessing game.

“Scully?” He asked, rushing to her side as soon as he spotted her at the edge of the room.

“What’s happening to me?” She cried, desperate for some form of answer from him.


End file.
